Half Crazed Mississippi Squirrel!!!!

Discontentment is a disease! I am pretty sure of this fact.. I am reading the blog I did just the other day and thinking.. how sad.. I must have felt that way to write it.. I am such a woman! I think that sometimes when I am about to have a revival of spirit.. about to make some changes.. about to overcome yet again the addictions that plague me.. The devil sends discontentment.. Just a whisper in my ear that life is not as it should be. That the grass on the other side of the fence must be better. That I deserve more.. And the whisper is sooo quiet that I dont recognize it for who it is.. until.. I am yet again on my knees.. But I am stronger than I use to be.. SO instead of just giving in to the feeling.. I trust and continue to head toward the revival.. continue to attempt to reign in the addictions.. and look back on the blog I wrote just a couple days ago and recognize it for what it is... the thoughts of someone who is not trusting God! I think the God has to constantly be on his toes with me..I am not by nature a good person.. I know that sounds um.. self hating but its true.. Some people just are...good.. And some of us.. well we are in an active daily fight for that same goodness. There are people that God has to send into the fire.. and then there are those of us who actively search out the fire and then promptly throw ourselves in head first. And if thats my battle I'll gladly take it. There are far harder battles that people fight. And if discontentment in my marriage is my issue.. I need to remember that I am in this place for a reason. If only to show my husband what a Christian looks like. And they definitely don't look like an angry, frustrated yelling person! I am not above screaming at him IF YOU WERE A CHRISTIAN YOU WOULD GET THIS!! IF YOU BELIEVED IN MY GOD YOU WOULD BE HAPPY!! ARGH!! ahh yeah I'm sure he thinks.. this is definitely making you a better, happy person. Okay.. SO.. I must settle down.. keep fighting.. and ignore the annoying whispers of the one who wants desperately for me to fail yet again. And if I need a revival of spirit.. I trust that my God will send a squirrel! Lala